At times it seems like it doesn’t take much to knock back our self confidence and leave us feeling that we aren’t as good as everyone else. By the same token, it can be just a very small achievement that begins to turn things around for us and lets us see that we really are worthwhile and capable of many more things than we previously gave ourselves credit for.

We carry a picture of ourselves and our capacity to act effectively   around in our head and we can easily tell ourselves that we can’t do something, when the truth is actually the exact opposite. For many years I convinced myself that I couldn’t remember my car’s number plate. It’s only a couple of letters and numbers after all, but try as I might I just couldn’t bring the right combination readily to mind when I needed to. Such a simple thing, and I just couldn’t get the hang of it. To compensate for this embarrassing ‘failing’ I wrote the information on a piece of paper and carried it in a little wallet along with my driver’s licence.

Then I got a car with a number plate that sounded like a rhyme. All of a sudden it stuck in my brain and I didn’t need my crumpled little memory-jogger any more. So when that car was sold and I was faced with a new number plate to familiarise myself with, I had a choice about how I could react. I could tell myself that memorising it was beyond my ability or I could remind myself that I had successfully done it once and that increased my chances of being able to do it again.

Choosing the second course, I looked at the letters and numbers, read them aloud to myself a couple of times, tested myself a few days later, and I had it. It was so easy; I couldn’t believe that I had so effortlessly accomplished something that had eluded me for decades! It’s marvellous what a difference a little self-belief made. A small victory - but one with potential.

• What small accomplishements have helped to build your confidence?
• How can you use positive messages about yourself to motivate you to have a go at something new?

A pamphlet arrived in the mail today – Will You Cope When Disaster Strikes? – a very timely reminder to update our emergency kit, especially given that the anniversary of the destructive Christchurch earthquake is in a few days. Another thing that struck me was the effectiveness of the title. By using the word ‘when’, the impact of the message was far stronger and my reaction was more immediate than it would have been had the less definite ‘if’ been used.

On thinking about it, I realised that one word gave a sense of importance and authority to what was said. It’s difficult to argue with something that is stated so strongly and with such conviction. There is also an impression of urgency, demanding a response. It is much harder to do nothing when faced with the statement that something definitely will happen and it’s just the timing that is unknown, rather than being told that something vague might happen at some distant stage. Had the writers used the word ‘if’, it would have been simpler to ignore it. I decided that ‘if’ could easily stand for ‘insufficient focus’ – leading to lack of motivation, scattered effort and poor outcomes.

So how can I use this insight into the power of a single word in my own life? I can think of one strategy straight away. When considering something that I want to do that involves an obstacle, I have a choice of how I might frame it in my mind. I could say ‘I really want to accomplish xxx BUT yyy’. When I use the word ‘but’, I immediately run up against a brick wall. All I can see is the thing that blocks me getting to where I want to be. I focus on the barriers standing in my way and I’m quite likely to give up. However, if I say ‘I really want to accomplish xxx AND yyy’, I’m more likely to acknowledge and accept that problems do exist and then ‘act now decisively’ to make effective plans and take the steps necessary to overcome the difficulties.

* What words motivate you to act decisively?
* How can you reframe your thoughts to increase your motivation?
* Have you noticed any other strategies that work for you?

You can find more information on the benefits of using powerful words in my eBook Positive Words are Powerful                        

Success means different things to different people. To some it is all about wealth and to others it is based on their position or reputation. Some measure their success through their relationships and others by the contribution they make to their community. There are people who feel successful if they use their abilities well and yet others who consider themselves successful if they live with integrity and follow their dreams. It is possible that your focus may change at different stages of your life, as different aspects become more important to you or your interests or sense of purpose develop in new directions.

Just as there is no one over-all definition of success, so there is no single sure-fire way to achieve it. When cooking, there are many ways to come up with a meal that is healthy, tasty and appealing. So it is with achieving success.

Following a ‘recipe’ step by step may lead you to where you want to be in terms of accomplishing your goals and is likely to give you the outcome you expect. On occasion the results can be more or less than what you imagined when you began the process.

Learning about your own strengths and the different components of success, and how they affect one another, may give you a broader scope in which to try out new combinations of ingredients. Removing, adding or replacing different factors may allow you to attain a different result that works better for you.

Experimenting with different methods could allow you to add a bit more spice or investigate various flavours you might find appealing. It could be a case of ‘taste it and see’ as you explore the range of possibilities available to you and then choose the one you find to be the most satisfying.

• What does success mean to you?
• How has this definition changed over time?
• What is the best way you know to achieve success in your life?

Today is Chinese New Year - there are a number of ways to celebrate the day, some of which I decided to put into practice in my own way.

New Year is seen as a time of new beginnings, fresh starts and a time to take stock, so I have spent some time thinking over what I would like to achieve over the coming year. This will act as a blueprint  for me to make plans around and hopefully keep me on track to take the necessary actions to accomplish one or two things I’ve been putting off, further develop some projects I started last year and make room for some enjoyable new activities.

One symbolic way to achieve this is to clean the house and eliminate the clutter the day before, to make way for the good things that you want to be part of your life and open your heart and mind to new possibilities and blessings. For me this is an ongoing task and I must admit I didn’t quite hit my targets this year. Still, recommitting to the programme has to be beneficial.

Another way to observe the day is to open up the windows and doors. Symbolically, this opens your life as well as your house to fresh air and sunshine. We often talk about ‘blowing away the cobwebs’ and I think a good breeze blowing through the house will also aid clearer thinking as well as making everything seem fresher.

New clothes are part of Chinese New Year celebrations, and red is an auspicious colour. I love red and I’m wearing a pretty red blouse which makes me feel energised and light-hearted. Having something which lifts our spirits helps us feel more positive and hopeful and this is a good thing when looking forward. 

• Do you do anything special to celebrate Chinese New Year?
• What do you do to clarify your thinking and be more open to new possibilities?
• What do you find most helpful to help you feel more hopeful and positive about the future?