I returned from my late summer break only to discover that the sweltering dry summer weather had caused mayhem in my garden. Much of the vegetation had withered and was on its last legs, or already beyond rescuing. My much-loved herb garden was a complete chaos of shoulder-high plants that had bolted and gone to seed. The pansies and violas which had previously self-seeded in every nook and cranny throughout the garden and yard, providing a riotous display of vibrant colour since late winter, were now a twisted matt of leggy brown dried sticks flapping about dejectedly in the breeze.

Balancing the needs of the garden with the current water restrictions, I began my task of nurturing the remaining plants. I took great pleasure in my leisurely early-evening walks around the section and I enjoyed seeing my garden being refreshed and begin to revive. I watered with a hand-held hose aimed carefully at the roots to conserve water and maximise its effectiveness.

My sense of competence and satisfaction in my efforts came unstuck one evening when I realised that, rather than watering the trunk of the grapevine, I had been diligently nurturing an old fencepost which we had used to prop up the vine! The wilting branches had wound their way around the post and the large, intertwined leaves had obscured it from clear view. So all my hard work was directed at the wrong target, despite my best intentions. . .

It made me think about the effort we put into setting goals and making plans to bring those goals about. If we aren’t aiming at the right target – striving for things that fit well with our own deeply held values and aspirations, then we are wasting our time and unproductively watering dead wood, so to speak. On the other hand, if we fully commit our energy and attention to goals that truly express who we are, and utilise  our strengths to do the necessary work required, then we too will become revitalised and flourish - whatever the conditions of the garden in which we find ourselves growing.

• Are your goals in line with your own values and dreams, or are you trying to fulfill someone else's idea of who you should be?
• How can you make sure that your efforts are effective in getting you to where you want to be?
• What small thing can you do today to best nourish your dreams?

I’ve just been to see Quartet, an inspiring film about finding meaning and identity in older age, amongst other things. I absolutely loved it. The people in it were utterly engaging and convincing – wrinkles and all. It was incredibly refreshing to see a movie that didn’t sweetly sugar-coat or negatively over-dramatise such an important subject that affects all of us. The characters weren’t portrayed as completely helpless old fuddy-duddies, nor were they made out to be magically untouched by time, illness or infirmity. They were quirky, feisty, and quite recognisable as people you might already know in real life – possibly even in your own family.

I was particularly struck by one scene in the film where two of the women were talking together. One said, explaining her hesitancy to do anything that made her look less than perfect: ‘I used to be somebody’. The other woman replied, ‘I thought I was somebody now’. What a great sentiment. Whatever our age and stage in life, it is important to be comfortable being who we are; to be at home in our own skins. In fact, we should celebrate it!

Instead, success tends to be measured in terms of wealth and position rather than satisfaction or fulfilment of potential, and many people spend their lives in jobs they hate because of this. There is also intense, unrelenting pressure from the media to measure up to unrealistic and unattainable standards of beauty. It is easy to feel we fall short when we compare ourselves to these standards and we can quickly begin to lose our confidence as we age. In fact, few of us reach such artificial, air-brushed physical ideals even when younger. Sadly, the demands for such faultlessness have led to much unnecessary misery and anguish, as many try to push and punish their bodies into improbable plasticised versions of a real human being. This doesn’t only affect our bodies: the damage goes deep, to our very sense of self.

It takes maturity and strength to accept ourselves, ‘imperfections’ and all, and courage to be who we truly are, whatever our age.

• How do you feel about being the age you are?
• Are you content with being yourself, ‘wrinkles’ and all?
• What has helped the most to develop your sense of self and encouraged your self acceptance?

It’s the start of a new year, and all the magazines are full of helpful articles and advice on how to transform yourself into a new sleeker, fitter, more successful person and start the year ‘right’. A Google search of ‘new year, new you’ blog posts and articles brings up 94,500 results – so it certainly seems to be a popular concept.

I want to go against that trend and suggest that you do not need to create a ‘new you’ in 2013! Instead, rather than making a ‘fresh start’ – why not make this the year you get in touch with the real You – the authentic, wonderful, complete and perfect person that you already are.

By all means set goals, make plans, decide to make some changes – but do this because you WANT to, not because you think that without them you are less than you 'should' be. Sometimes we can lose sight of our sense of Self and desperately try to make ourselves into something more ‘acceptable’ in order to ‘fit in’. I would encourage you not to start from a position of not being good enough: learn to accept yourself and fully embrace the wonder of who you are, and then build on that.

Make sure the plans you make are firmly based on your values, your priorities, and your idea of what is right for you – and then draw on your strengths to make them happen. Think of what went well throughout the last year and work out how to get more of that. Also consider what you might have liked to be different. Accept and let go of what you can’t change and decide to do something about the things you can.

It’s a New Year – full of New Possibilities – celebrate life and celebrate your wonderful Self.

If you haven’t already read my monthly newsletter – why not start today – I have a new free 50-page eBook of articles by coaches and inspirational writers, full of ideas on how to Unearth Your Treasure in 2013 when you sign up.

Here are twenty questions to contemplate over the weekend about the things that give your life purpose and meaning:

1. What matters most to me?
2. What am I most proud of?
3. When am I at my best?
4. What makes me feel appreciated?
5. What interests me most?
6. What am I most curious about?
7. What do I enjoy doing at work?
8. What do I enjoy doing in my own time?
9. What do I enjoy doing alone?
10. What do I enjoy doing with other people?
11. If I could do whatever I wanted and could not fail, what would it be?
12. If I could achieve anything I wanted, what would it be?
13. What makes me smile?
14. What gives me the most energy?
15. What makes me feel the most relaxed?
16. What do I do that makes me lose track of time?
17. What inspires me most?
18. What am I best at?
19. What difference would I like to make in the lives of other people?
20. What do I want to achieve in my life?

Now take some time to think about how these things affect the choices you make in your life, and any changes you might like to make as a result.

1. What would you like to give more time and attention to?
2. What would you like to give less time and attention to?