Our new car has one feature I find a tad annoying. Occasionally a quiet voice imperiously announces ‘you are over the speed limit’. My immediate response is to shout back ‘I am not!’ But then a glance at the speedo shows that I have indeed begun to drive too fast. Not very much too fast mind you, because the voice is really like an early warning system which only allows a slight overuse of the accelerator.

My initial inclination was to turn off the irritating and slightly whiny voice and drive in peace, relying on my own judgement and vigilance. But once I thought about it I realised that it is quite useful to have a backup to nudge me in the right direction and keep me to a safe speed which is less likely to do damage to me, my valuable car, or someone else. Actually, it’s quite a clever system really, because it is linked to the GPS and automatically knows what the appropriate speed limit is in any given location, which can be handy if I’ve missed seeing a sign along the way.

I guess the little inner voice of our conscience is like that too. It gently nudges us in the direction of behaviour that is most appropriate, useful, responsible, safe and good; the one that will help us avoid damaging ourselves, others, or valuable property. It isn’t really a killjoy which tries to stop us having fun; it’s more like a guidance system that helps us to choose the right kind of actions in any situation. Our conscience is built on our own instinctive sense of good and bad / right and wrong. Added to that is the example and teaching provided by our family, peers, schooling, religion, laws, our community and our society.

Do you see your conscience as a useful inner guidance system?
How has listening to that quiet voice proved useful to you?

Kindness is about being considerate, compassionate and caring. Coming from an open loving heart, it is given freely, without any hidden agendas. We all know people who have selflessly built their lives around doing good for others less fortunate than themselves, but kindness is most often performed in a quiet, simple way out of sight, with no great fanfare and unnoticed by anyone expect the recipient.

Despite its often private expression, we should never underestimate how much it means to others when we speak and act towards them with kindness. A kind word can help soothe someone else’s hurt and pain, and can encourage and provide support when it is most needed. Giving our undivided attention, providing a listening ear, making our time available – all of these affirm the other person’s worth and lets them know that they are not alone in this world. That in itself is a mighty gift. Something as simple as sitting silently next to a friend as they gather their strength can give them added courage and touch their life with much-needed warmth.

On the other hand, words that are not kind have a way of spilling out and doing damage, sometimes before we are even consciously aware that we have spoken them. The injury they result in can be long lasting. Before we speak it could be helpful to ask ourselves these three little questions: ‘is it true?’, ‘is it kind?’, ‘is it useful?’. Often, although we don’t really have the full story, we still make hurtful comments. Occasionally we know full well that the words we speak will cause a lot of pain but we feel compelled to lash out regardless of the consequences, without concern for the person on the receiving end of our outburst. Sometimes we may fully believe what we say is the truth, but it doesn’t serve any real purpose to air it other than to make us feel momentarily superior.

I know I’d rather be giving and receiving kindness than any of the alternatives. What are some of the ways you can show kindness over the coming week?

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Contribution is giving – of yourself, your time, your attention, your advice, your assistance, your money or a tangible gift. This kind of giving comes about because we care for, or care about, the organisation, or the person or people we are helping in some way. Sometimes it is because we have a commitment to a particular cause or an ideal we identify with. In its purest form it is done without thought of reciprocity or reward.

Often our contribution is valuable either in what it is worth in monetary terms, or in the effect it has on making life better for the recipient. It also often gives benefit to the person who contributes, as they feel a part of something worthwhile or meaningful, and reinforces a sense that they belong to something bigger than themselves. Sometimes we contribute to the welfare of others just because we want to improve their life, even in a small way, or because we want to make a difference on a much larger scale. On occasion there is a considerable cost to the person who contributes in time, money, energy, effort, safety or stepping outside our own comfort zone.

Here in New Zealand we have had examples of a whole range of people making a contribution to assist the people of Christchurch affected by earthquakes and aftershocks. Among others, some ongoing contributions have been in the form of large and small financial donations; donation of food, water, clothing and accommodation; sharing of expertise such as search and rescue, first aid or counselling; offering to assist in physical ways such as shovelling away dirt deposited by liquefaction; and expressions of emotional support and caring. Some people are fixing broken pipes and others are knitting booties and baby bonnets. All of them are helping to rebuild hope.

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At this terrible time we are given pause to remember the many good Samaritans who have touched our lives with their selfless kindness and the power of their caring. One simple kindness shown by a friend has had positive repercussions that have lasted for years and still go on today.

Some years ago my father was facing urgent and serious surgery in Australia. At the time I was a solo Mum with two small children and not much in the way of income and even less in respect of financial resources. I desperately wanted to see my Dad and spend what time I could with him but there was no way I could find to make this happen.

A dear friend dropped in for coffee a few days before the scheduled operation and asked why I was looking so sad. When I explained, he immediately said that he would take care of it. Later that day he returned with plane tickets, not only for me but for both my children as well. I was overwhelmed and felt that I wouldn’t ever be able to repay him for his gift.

Shrugging off my protests, he told me that his charity came with one condition only: he would not accept repayment, but at some time in the future I was to pay this assistance forward and help someone else who was in need.

My children and I have never forgotten this expression of human kindness and in different ways we have all sought to honour his generosity by being there for others and lending a hand in a range of ways and at a variety of costs. When we do this we consciously bring to mind our thanks for our valued friend and benefactor and the solemn promise we made to him.

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