I love trying out new recipes, particularly those that allow me to use the fresh produce from our extensive veggie garden. I spend ages trawling internet sites to find just the right combinations of ingredients and the optimal balance of nutrients. Over the last couple of years I’ve experimented with a range of amazing taste sensations, some of which have found their way into my regular cooking repertoire.

This week I served something different for afternoon tea at our book group. It was interesting to see the response when I said that the platter in pride of place on the dining table contained beetroot and chocolate muffins! Some adventurous types immediately picked up a plate and helped themselves, relishing the opportunity to partake of a new flavour experience. Others were seen to quietly, but resolutely step away from the table and the gorgeous goodies resplendent upon it.

I wondered afterwards what difference it would have made if I had referred to the muffins by their ‘correct’ name of Red Velvet. I’m sure there would have been a more positive reaction and a more widespread acceptance of something unfamiliar. In fact, after tasting the unusual offerings and learning of their ‘true’ nature some people would have been surprised at how much they had actually enjoyed them.

Sometimes our perception of the value and worth of experiences is affected by the words we use to categorise and describe them. The names we give to things also determines how we feel about them and whether or not we think they are worth our attention. This includes how we depict ourselves. If we refer to ourselves in derogatory terms we will act and react differently to life’s challenges than if we speak about ourselves in positive, uplifting terms that empower, inspire and motivate us.

What words do you use to define yourself and yoru life? Are they working for you? How could you tweak them to help you live with more flair and fulfilment?

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Developing a strong sense of self-worth allows us to act in ways that fit with who we really are rather than feeling we have to live up to unrealistic levels of perfection to be ‘acceptable’. When we feel good about ourselves, we become more willing to step out of our comfort zone and embrace unfamiliar experiences without being held back by fear of getting it wrong or looking stupid. This in turn builds our sense of competence, capability and self-worth even further. Believing we have the ability to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward again if we fall, we invest less in the outcome being exactly as we envisage it and get on with doing it instead.

When we don’t ‘have to’ do something, we give ourselves greater permission to do it and to enjoy it, and therefore we increase our chances of being successful in what we do. We are more likely to make wise and healthy choices for ourselves when we know we are worth doing our best and that doing our best is good enough. Extreme and inflexible expectations just set us up for feeling like a failure when we don’t measure up to standards that are unreasonable and unrealistic.

Happiness is more likely when we have high self-esteem. Having the courage to build a life based on what really matters to us, being comfortable being who we are, and appreciating what we have leads to greater satisfaction and contentment. Easing up on ourselves makes us more relaxed and more able to move forward and achieve what we aspire to. It is strange, but true: the less we ‘try’ the more we can achieve. Self acceptance boosts our self-esteem and courage to be all we can be and results in greater enjoyment of life.

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We enjoy gardening – both for the sheer pleasure of it and to produce tasty, healthy food. I find that I learn many important lessons while in the garden and this week was no exception. Many of the summer plants in the vegetable plot are coming to the end of their productiveness and they are being taken out and disposed of. The ground is being renewed and fertilised and winter crops are being planted. The hot and humid summer has provided ideal conditions not only for abundant growth but also for problems to be tackled such as powdery mildew and a huge range of insects that have decimated many of the plants. Even seemingly strong and vigorous trees have been stripped of their leaves and the branches have turned black in a matter of a few short weeks.

But the tomatoes have been prolific, even taking into account the amount that the green caterpillars have managed to eat before we could get to them. Half of the freezer is full of tomato soup and pasta sauce – enough to last us through the cooler months. So when the plants started to shrivel up and lose their leaves I thought their usefulness was past and I anticipated removing them from the garden, satisfied that they had been fruitful and it was time for them to make way for something new and stronger.

What a surprise when I wandered out to the back yard following the last big rain to find that I had to harvest five dozen fresh, ripe tomatoes all at one time! The plants may have looked a bit past it but their worthwhile existence certainly was not over. Even with some broken branches and scars from the attacks of various insects, they are still providing valuable nourishment and goodness.

So what have a few withered old tomato plants got to do with anything? Well, I’m anticipating one of those birthdays ending in a nought and starting to question my own usefulness and productivity a bit. Like the plants I have a few broken and scarred bits and the pressures of the last few months have left me feeling rather wilted. Obviously what I need is a rethink and maybe a bit of nourishment and encouragement to see that there’s life in the old girl yet!

We all matter - whatever our age and whatever stage of life we are at.

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I was taken aback to be asked this question recently. Hmmm - am I truly happy being who I am? What does that even mean? Happy-Being-Myself? I must confess that it took me a while to come up with my answer. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I am comfortable and content with who I am. I delight in being able to live out my reality and speak my truth authentically on a day-to-day basis and there are also areas in which I want to express ‘Myself’ more fully. Notice I didn’t say ‘but’… The fact that I want to connect more deeply with my values, strengths, interests, abilities and calling in no way diminishes my sense of wholeness. If anything, it complements it as it keeps me from complacency.

That doesn’t seem to be an earth shattering statement, but it is very significant. The Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky sure got it right when he said ‘Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys’. We humans seem to find it far easier to enumerate the negatives, itemise all of our perceived failings, and catalogue our disappointments, rather than simply being able to identify the aspects of ourselves and our lives that bring us joy and satisfaction.

In truth it took me years of self discovery and healing to come to the point where I could accept myself, acknowledging that I don’t need to be absolutely perfect, and finally come to appreciate the wonder of the person who is Me. As Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently put it, ‘Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’. Yes! Alignment is something to aim for – everything lined up – values, beliefs, hopes, dreams and thoughts – all supported by our actions.

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