At times it seems like it doesn’t take much to knock back our self confidence and leave us feeling that we aren’t as good as everyone else. By the same token, it can be just a very small achievement that begins to turn things around for us and lets us see that we really are worthwhile and capable of many more things than we previously gave ourselves credit for.

We carry a picture of ourselves and our capacity to act effectively   around in our head and we can easily tell ourselves that we can’t do something, when the truth is actually the exact opposite. For many years I convinced myself that I couldn’t remember my car’s number plate. It’s only a couple of letters and numbers after all, but try as I might I just couldn’t bring the right combination readily to mind when I needed to. Such a simple thing, and I just couldn’t get the hang of it. To compensate for this embarrassing ‘failing’ I wrote the information on a piece of paper and carried it in a little wallet along with my driver’s licence.

Then I got a car with a number plate that sounded like a rhyme. All of a sudden it stuck in my brain and I didn’t need my crumpled little memory-jogger any more. So when that car was sold and I was faced with a new number plate to familiarise myself with, I had a choice about how I could react. I could tell myself that memorising it was beyond my ability or I could remind myself that I had successfully done it once and that increased my chances of being able to do it again.

Choosing the second course, I looked at the letters and numbers, read them aloud to myself a couple of times, tested myself a few days later, and I had it. It was so easy; I couldn’t believe that I had so effortlessly accomplished something that had eluded me for decades! It’s marvellous what a difference a little self-belief made. A small victory - but one with potential.

• What small accomplishements have helped to build your confidence?
• How can you use positive messages about yourself to motivate you to have a go at something new?

We often hear an abusive or deprived childhood used to explain a person’s tendency towards violence or a life of crime as an adult. New Zealand’s Most Trusted Person 2011, Sir Ray Avery, isn’t one of those people. In an interview in the Dompost earlier this week he made only passing mention of being beaten by his parents, growing up in orphanages and doing poorly at school due to glue ear, dyslexia and untreated short-sightedness. 

He didn’t refer to the fact that he ran away at the age of 12, living rough in London for eight months. Tellingly, this was the first time in his life he has said he had ever felt safe. Instead he focused on the wonderful teacher at the agricultural school he then attended, acknowledging him as ‘the first good human being’ he had come across. This man saw the good in the troubled young man and recognised his skills, urging him to use those skills and achieve his potential. What an amazing impact his acceptance and encouragement had. Another meaning of the word ‘encourage’ is ‘to give confidence’. What a wonderful gift for one human being to give to another.

Further reading turned up the fact that Sir Ray Avery is now a well-known, highly respected scientist who focuses on improving health and reducing poverty in Third World countries through his inventions and interventions. He is also a man who finds a great deal of joy and purpose in his young family. He holds no rancour when considering his former existence: rather he counts his blessings in meeting a man who turned his life around.

Self esteem is based on knowing we are worthwhile, capable people. This level of self-acceptance leads to a greater acceptance of others and a desire to contribute to their wellbeing.

Today is Self-Esteem Day ~ http://selfesteemday.com/ ~

What can you do today to increase your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-efficacy?

What can you do today to positively impact on the self-esteem and wellbeing of another person?

Please send your comments on the Contact Marian page

Self-esteem begins with accepting yourself just as you are, and knowing that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person who deserves to be happy and ought to have the best in life. How many of you went ‘yeah right!’ when you read that? Well, you’re not alone; many people have a low opinion of themself.

As well as beliefs about our own worth and inability to face life’s challenges, low self-esteem is bound up in emotions such as self-criticism, insecurity, guilt, shame and fear. Often our idea of who we are and what that counts for revolves around attempting to be who we think we ‘should’ be, trying to please everyone else, and a resulting inability to live up to those unrealistic standards, both real and imagined. These beliefs and emotions are quite powerful, but it is possible to create a more realistic and favourable image of yourself.

Healthy self-esteem is a mixture of confidence and self-respect and can be restored through self-acceptance. Confidence is about being comfortable being who you are; at ease with yourself and with the world around you. Self-respect is about believing in yourself and feeling okay; knowing that it is all right to be who you are. It isn’t based on always being perfect. You are still a worthwhile person even if you don’t always get everything right. Self-esteem is built up by knowing that you are a valuable person who is good enough no matter what, and that you are capable enough to competently and effectively do what needs to be done, even if you don’t always succeed at everything all of the time.

Accepting yourself if the starting point. It frees you to grow and develop from a strong place, not because you think you are broken and think you need to be fixed.  

Please Post Your Comments on the email form on the Contact Marian Page

Fifty years ago on 12th April 1961, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first man to go into outer space, completing a single orbit of earth. I can remember the sense of awe and excitement at the time and the feeling that the far reaches of our existence and our universe had been forever extended. Space was ours for the exploring. Who knew what wonders would eventuate?

In America, President Kennedy was in power and in Britain The Beatles were performing in the Cavern Club. It was a Golden Age, full of promise and possibilities and every new day seemed to be bursting with limitless power and boundless potential waiting to be tapped. Later that same year the largest nuclear bomb ever to be tested was detonated in the Soviet Union, representing one of the greatest fears of the teenagers of the time. We grew up under the threat of the mushroom cloud and the prospect of an eternal Nuclear Winter occurring in our lifetime.

Today we are immersed in a different set of hopes and fears and reach out for different dreams and aspirations which are just as powerful and compelling of those that helped define my generation in the 60s. Idealism and a desire for change are no less intense now than they were back then, it’s just the way they are focused and expressed that have developed over time.

While Space is no longer ‘the new frontier’ that it once was, we each and every one still face the challenge of exploring, understanding and conquering the ‘inner space’ of our hearts and minds. One of the most common reasons my clients seek coaching is because they want to be more confidently and completely who they really are, and walk at ease in their inner and outer worlds.

Please Post Comments on the form on the Contact Marian Page