Self-esteem begins with accepting yourself just as you are, and knowing that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person who deserves to be happy and ought to have the best in life. How many of you went ‘yeah right!’ when you read that? Well, you’re not alone; many people have a low opinion of themself.

As well as beliefs about our own worth and inability to face life’s challenges, low self-esteem is bound up in emotions such as self-criticism, insecurity, guilt, shame and fear. Often our idea of who we are and what that counts for revolves around attempting to be who we think we ‘should’ be, trying to please everyone else, and a resulting inability to live up to those unrealistic standards, both real and imagined. These beliefs and emotions are quite powerful, but it is possible to create a more realistic and favourable image of yourself.

Healthy self-esteem is a mixture of confidence and self-respect and can be restored through self-acceptance. Confidence is about being comfortable being who you are; at ease with yourself and with the world around you. Self-respect is about believing in yourself and feeling okay; knowing that it is all right to be who you are. It isn’t based on always being perfect. You are still a worthwhile person even if you don’t always get everything right. Self-esteem is built up by knowing that you are a valuable person who is good enough no matter what, and that you are capable enough to competently and effectively do what needs to be done, even if you don’t always succeed at everything all of the time.

Accepting yourself if the starting point. It frees you to grow and develop from a strong place, not because you think you are broken and think you need to be fixed.  

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Fifty years ago on 12th April 1961, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first man to go into outer space, completing a single orbit of earth. I can remember the sense of awe and excitement at the time and the feeling that the far reaches of our existence and our universe had been forever extended. Space was ours for the exploring. Who knew what wonders would eventuate?

In America, President Kennedy was in power and in Britain The Beatles were performing in the Cavern Club. It was a Golden Age, full of promise and possibilities and every new day seemed to be bursting with limitless power and boundless potential waiting to be tapped. Later that same year the largest nuclear bomb ever to be tested was detonated in the Soviet Union, representing one of the greatest fears of the teenagers of the time. We grew up under the threat of the mushroom cloud and the prospect of an eternal Nuclear Winter occurring in our lifetime.

Today we are immersed in a different set of hopes and fears and reach out for different dreams and aspirations which are just as powerful and compelling of those that helped define my generation in the 60s. Idealism and a desire for change are no less intense now than they were back then, it’s just the way they are focused and expressed that have developed over time.

While Space is no longer ‘the new frontier’ that it once was, we each and every one still face the challenge of exploring, understanding and conquering the ‘inner space’ of our hearts and minds. One of the most common reasons my clients seek coaching is because they want to be more confidently and completely who they really are, and walk at ease in their inner and outer worlds.

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Last night was a total lunar eclipse. This year it coincided with the solstice – something that hasn’t happened since 1634! The next time it occurs I will be 143! As for ‘ordinary’ total eclipses, this was the first in three years to be ‘visible’ from New Zealand.

It was to be a special event. Oh, the anticipation. The promise of a ‘blood red’ moon.  We checked the time and kept the curtains open so we wouldn’t miss a thing. So what happened? The clouds rolled in and they kept on coming: fluffy white ones; sludgy grey ones; and huge dense ominous black ones… Behind the clouds the sun, earth and moon arranged themselves in perfect alignment and the awaited display took place out of sight.

For a few moments the clouds parted and we saw an amazingly intense red glow on the underside of clouds passing above the moon. At the end of the eclipse the clouds seemed to taunt us by parting again and revealing a normal-coloured moon, made special by an eerie bright halo emanating from it. So even though we didn’t see the full deal, we still felt uplifted and somehow lighter.

It made me think of what needs to line up in our lives to create a truly spectacular life. To my way of thinking, if we align our deeply-held core values, our unique personal strengths and our most compelling passions we have a pretty good chance of really shining and making an impact.

But often we allow clouds of self-doubt, regret and fear to obscure the amazing person we really are and our lights appear dimmer. An occasional glimmer may shine through, delighting onlookers. Don’t hide your light – make this the time you decide to shine clear and bright, enjoying being who you really are.

One aspect of confidence that we don’t often think about is the confidence to make mistakes and still feel okay about yourself.

Well, I did it – something I swore would never happen to me - I sent out a newsletter without taking the time to proofread it and it has four typos – and I’m a proofreader! Well, you teach what you need to learn!

With my thumb in a splint and my wrist in a pressure bandage I raced through getting important information out that I wanted to get into people’s hands quickly. Type, type, clunk, backspace, re-type… type,   type, clunk, backspace… you get the picture. Part of my mind was on what I was doing and the other part was listening out for the sound of the phone for more news on my Dad in Australia who has had a bad fall and is in hospital. Still – I had a task to complete, and complete it I would.

None of this is an excuse for rushing and important task. What it is is an example of how easy it is for us to get caught up in what is happening in our lives, and that is all a part of being human. Accepting that we do the best we can in the circumstances we find ourselves in is one aspect of confidence. I really do aspire to excellence, but when I miss the mark I can forgive myself and learn from my mistakes and move on.

It's funny that as I am teaching about confidence my own confidence is being put on the line throughout the whole process! But I'm even more determined than ever to share what I have learnt about confidence - including that great Ancient Chinese Proverb – 'fall down six times, stand up seven'.

I’d encourage you to learn along with me to have the confidence to risk not getting it completely right. Aim high, do the best you can, and recover from setbacks. Being human is fine. Falling flat on your face is fine too as long as you don’t stay down there too long.
 

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