Basically, the foundation of our self-esteem is laid down in childhood. It is a mixture of our experiences, our successes and failures, our treatment by other people (especially those in authority or significant to us), our personality, and our interpretation of all of those things. As we grow we gradually develop an idea of who we are, what we are like, what people in general are like, where we fit in the world and how we view life.
Acceptance, acknowledgement, attention, encouragement, respect, open communication, affection, affirmation, nurturing, support, friendship, unconditional love, approval, praise, reassurance, hugs. . . All of these things help build a feeling that we are loved and lovable. This feeling of being all right sustains us, making us feel safe and secure, and giving us confidence and trust that we will be accepted by others and treated well by them.
But self-esteem isn’t just based on feeling good and only encountering kindness and pleasant experiences in our life. Challenges, trying new things, discovering how to make mistakes and get over it, building coping skills, knowing how to deal with criticism, achieving something worthwhile, helping others, doing our best and being happy with the results. . . All of these things can give us a sense of being capable and able to function successfully in the world
But what about those who have never known these loving and positive experiences; who have suffered abuse, disapproval and tragedy; who can’t believe in themselves no matter how many good things happen in their lives? The good news is we don’t have to stay stuck in feeling bad about ourselves. Our self-esteem and level of self-worth can develop and improve over time. I’ll discuss this in another blog.
Meantime, what are your thoughts on how to build healthy self esteem?
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