Our self esteem is formed in childhood through a mixture of our personality, experiences, successes and failures, treatment by others - and our interpretation of all of those things.
These feelings about ourselves and our world are not set in concrete. In part they are affected by how we think others perceive us, how successful we are in achieving what we set out to do, and by the way we make sense of what happens in our lives.
It is this last point that gives us the opportunity for some control over our feelings of self-worth and self-belief. We can focus on ways of thinking and behaving that build our self-esteem and our confidence in ourselves as capable, effective and lovable individuals.
It is the meaning we put on what happens to us and what we do that determines whether we end up feeling good about ourselves. If we look at life through a foggy film of negative thoughts about ourselves . . . I can’t do anything right; nothing good ever happens to me; nobody will ever love me . . . we will continue to interpret the circumstances of our life to reinforce those beliefs.
But we can replace those harmful ideas with ‘rose coloured glasses’ of our own choosing. By this I don’t mean overlaying everything unrealistically with bright, happy, Pollyanna thoughts. What I do mean is developing a rosier outlook . . . I did my best and I now have some really good ideas of how to do better next time; I am grateful for the good things in my life; I enjoy being who I am and I know that others can appreciate me too. . . This will encourage us to act in ways that support these beliefs and bring about different results.
Post comments on your answer to the question: ‘What helps you build healthy self-esteem?’ on the form on the Contact Marian page.
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