Enormous amounts have been written about positive thinking and its potential benefits.

At one end of the spectrum authors such as Napolean Hill (Think and Grow Rich) and Rhonda Byrne (The Secret) claim that everything is possible through positive thinking – from success and happiness to health and wealth; from finding the perfect partner or the perfect job to the fulfilment of all your dreams. Just think it and it will be so: just set up the correct thought vibration, visualise and affirm your desired outcome, and hey presto, all good things will be yours.

At the other extreme authors such as Barbara Ehrenreich (Bright-Sided) and Barbara Held (Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching) are vigorously opposed to what they see as a slavish reliance on positive thinking which can lead to the kind of magical thinking that results in either extreme risk-taking or complacency and lack of action, and eventual disappointment.

So, who’s right? Or is there a middle way - possibly Positive Realism or Realistic Positivity?

Personally, I think that a balanced outlook is not only possible, it is vital to our ongoing wellbeing. It is one of life’s great paradoxes that once we accept that real life includes such things as loss, grief, pain, ageing, illness, sadness and so on, that we can then move on to build a realistically positive attitude and a possibility-focused approach to life.

Understanding our strengths helps to develop a sense of capability and a belief in an eventual positive outcome when we are faced with some of the difficult things that may come our way. Building resilience strengthens our sense of being able to weather life’s storms. Knowing that we can draw on past successes helps build our sense of self-esteem and strengthens our resolve to take the actions required to achieve our goals.

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Researchers are developing a pill that will erase bad memories. While on the surface that might sound like a great idea and be helpful in aiding recovery, I have some doubts about it. In no way would I wish suffering on anyone and in no way would I downplay the anguish that traumatic experiences in life bring with them; but popping a pill to circumvent the natural healing process raises some questions for me.

For a start, the researchers admitted that there is no way of knowing if only the damaging memory of pain and suffering would be taken away. It is also possible that some good and pleasant memories would also be lost. I’m not too sure if I would want to take the risk of removing some of what makes me essentially who I am.

I wonder too if it would still be possible to fully develop some of the qualities that make us innately human if we did not recall the experiences of despair in our lives, rather than just retaining the effects of delight. Would we be as likely to cultivate character strengths such as courage, compassion, empathy or resilience?
Without being able to bring to mind the consequence of some of our actions would we develop that healthy level of fear that acts as a protector? How would we learn from our mistakes if there were no repercussions?

Pain, whether it is physical or emotional, actually tells us something is wrong. Sometimes it is a matter of coming to terms with it and allowing the healing to happen, and other times we have the choice to take some action to avoid or alleviate the situation.

What do you think – can you see any benefit to the tough times, or would you rather pop a pill?

When faced with a challenge we often respond by feeling we aren’t really up to it, that we don’t have what it takes to get through the situation. It can all just seem too much and who we are and what we have can seem too little.

We can focus our thoughts and look back on our lives to be able to link into a time when we DID feel confident and competent. When we acknowledge the amazing person in us that has achieved and even excelled under pressure before, we can access that power again and utilise it in the new circumstances. We can draw on our unique blend of strengths and personal qualities to formulate effective strategies that suit the current situation. We then remember who we really are and what we are made of.

I call this Reminding Yourself of Your Brilliance. When you glimpse once more the wonder of who you really are and the person you aspire to be then you are more able to face what comes your way with courage and confidence. Remembering the times when you have succeeded and done well helps build the knowledge and conviction that you CAN, rather than focusing on all the things that you can’t control. Linking in again to your special dreams helps build resilience through recognising and claiming your competence and capability.

What a difference that small shift in mindset makes! Moving away from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ helps to mobilise you into positive, productive action, rather than expending al your energy running around in circles or wringing your hands in despair.

What has helped you most when facing a difficult time in your life? How have you been able to tap into your resources, remind yourself of your brilliance, and shine under pressure?